one two three fourrrrnication!
oh hey just found a glowstick in my tits. fuck yes new years eve
He's a good guy, we stopped by his old church.
And you didn't burst into flames?
dude, there's a fucking musical in my head. it's fucking awesome being this high.
I booked us a cruise for November. Lose 20 pounds and don't cheat on me before then.
Pregnancy scare over. Let the cockfest begin.
I'm sexting at the thanksgiving dinner table...this is a new holiday tradition.
YOU ARE OBSESSED WITH PORCHES. I AM OBSESSED WITH PORCHES. HOW IS THIS REAL.
Last night we got home from the bar and saw a fox outside and we lured it in the house with a piece of cheese. Just wanted to party with some potentially dangerous wildlife I guess.
I look like i have multiple stab wounds in my foot and there are footprints from the elevator to my room. What happened?
He reached a whole new level of creepy. We were getting a coffee and he noticed the girl at Starbucks name tag looked her up on fb and friend requested her right there without ever introducing himself
and then I said "oh, I see the price of Plan B has gone up". and the pharmacist looked at me very sadly. I was just trying to make conversation.
She showed me her tits outside Taco Bell....After she flashed the dude working there in an effort to get in.
So anyway, I'm just floating along life with my vibrator and low expectations.
He said "I can't believe I had sex with a cat lady". Am I flattered or is this a new low?
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