I think tonya harding is in my dwi class!
Ask her how she and Jeff Gillooly split the cats after the divorce.
i have a real life question, do ur boyfriends pretend to be vampires ever?
Took his v-card last night. Yet another experience I didn't expect to have in my thirties.
I just dropped macaroni right down my cleavage. For the sake of our future, I'm really banking on this being a turn on for you.
Life gets in the way of sexy Saturday sometimes
My dad just asked Siri to "help me find my daughters dignity."
If you were my daughter, I'd do the same thing.
You looked at my sister and yelled at her saying in a couple of years she will be yours
I woke up with a pinecone in my hair. A full pine cone.
Puking on the side of the road and legitimately just got a head nod and thumbs up from an 80 year old man on a Segway... What the fuck?
I need to puke. I need a shower. I need rehab. I need to detox and puke. I feel like demons are inside of me.
I feel like I shouldn't have to explain to you why giving your cat weed was a bad idea.
That's how you know it was a good night if two months later you finally realized your skirt never made it home and you found out where it was.
So apparently nutella and chocolate body paint aren't actually the same thing.
Dude, you can't drink while watching Star Trek. You hardly understand it sober.
It's an alien shaped cup though. i think that'll help me absorb.
Had to clear my browser history. I figured if she used the search bar and her name came up, it might be a little creepy.
Randomize
