You know what, matt, a girl is not really that interested in a relationship if she goes down on you the first time she meets you
He said he was from Mississippi and my vagina clamped shut like a frightened oyster
you kept say ridiculous things then repeating them in perfect classical latin. You are onee intelligent drunk
well, it ended with me crying outside the strip club saying i don't want to be 21 anymoree. i'd say it was a great 21st birthday.
His car is carseat is compatible. I checked while we were banging in the back seat...
I just watched her pee in a trashcan, im still probably going to fuck her, what does that say about my standards
Just got a blowjob on the pier where my great-grandfather entered America.
Dude, you chugged an entire bottle of tomato sauce and got us free drinks for the night. No way was I gonna stop you.
He bought my favorite ceral.. I've guess I've earn the status as one of his regular fuck buddies. I feel honored and proud. His roommates girls don't get this treatment.
posting about faith hill is really not helping you get me into your bed
You have no idea the kind of bodily contortions I had to do to access your neighbor's WIFI
How does one acquire holy water?
In honor of Super Tuesday, we should have the sex tonight.
She gave me a job then fed me cheesecake in bed. She's a keeper!
You "drove" the computer chair around the party for a good fifteen minutes. you would crash into things, freak out, and yell for an ambulance.
Randomize
