bahahahaha i would laugh soo hard if someone did this for me hahahaha this guy would become my best friend
Day 3 of Lent and I would already kill a puppy if God would give me permission to masturbate
First day at work... I clogged up the office toilet on purpose to assert my dominance.
thanks so much for stopping me from telling him i want to have sex with him while i proceeded to hookup with the air.
I was ready to fuck him until he pulled the "I might be bi curious" card. Now its turned into a guilt fuck. It's like he's a 3rd world child in need of a sexual orientation.
Not only is it unacceptable to be bar hopping alone at 5 o'clock. It is definitely unacceptable to do so with a lobster
Walking through campus with a grocery bag full of pot brownies. I'm like the santa claus of 4/20
He makes me want to shower. It must be love.
Dude. My cat just tried to bat the tampon string hanging from body. NOT COOL, SEYMOUR. NOT COOL.
Guess who just got caught by mall security having sex in a car in the parking lot... at noon. This chick.
You. Dating a sex offender cop. Life writes itself sometimes.
Naw. I'm tired and I'd have to shave my legs. I doubt the sex or the company would be worth it.
Was your wine and cheese snap taken from the toilet?
I snapchatted him nudes and he didn't screenshot a single one of them because he's a gentleman.
I burned my tit while he banged me and it was still the best kitchen sex EVER!!!
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