Why did I cab home last night?
Because you said you were drunk, sad, and someone called you a hooker.
Hows this for an invention: a toilet that weighs your poop
hot pretzels for dinner, snacks, and now breakfast...oh to be a poor college student...everyday is like a carnival.
She goes outside, smokes 2 cigarettes, and insists on walking up the 7 flights of stairs so that her heart stays in shape. this woman is crazy.
"must pass the hog line" should not only be used in curling. but also when we go out to pick up girls.
he was already passed out before we got there, so i already knew i was going to like him
When she gives birth, I'm so playing 'Eye of the Tiger'
So my date night ended with us watching porn with his roommate.
I could get a dump truck for 1000. Think of the possibilities.
I am a human short and spout . Here is my jager Herr is my redbull . When i get real drink i shout out. Tip me over and pour yeager out
Well that's the second time I've broken a lamp during sex this month. Starting to worry I'm some kind of X-man. (this one was a wall sconce and I fully smashed it with my head and it crumbled like it was made of sugar)
Damn, well, it could always be worse
For sure, I could be a prison bitch right now. Thursdays aren't half bad
You know you're doing college wrong when you have to bail your RA out of jail
There is resin on and IN the refrigerator. Its even on the food. My god, what happens to you?
Could be all of this cough syrup, but I’m ready to fuck 2018 up!
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