I swear, if I find out you're lying, I'm going to put your name on one of those herpes watch websites and put the link up on every social networking site in existence.
He's like the fucking Houdini of bras. Not only did I not feel him take it off I didn't find it until two days later.
The amount of pregnancy tests I've taken in my life is unhealthy
He picked me up from the airport wearing nothing but a trench coat and a bow on his dick
just gave another girl i passed on the walk of shame a high five
I know you're trying to keep the moaning to a minimum but the banging on the wall is totally giving you away
I think I've reached that age where I should start dating "congrats" and not "are you keeping it?"
I couldn't be mad. She was crying because she fell bare ass into the rose bush trying to pee. So I held her up mid-stream and she peed on my feet. No big
When he goes down on me, he stares me in the eyes like a shark mocking it's prey as it devours it. Plus, his beard smells like dirty gym socks. This has got to end.
Apparently he's into classy girls that wear sweaters and don't throw up on him when they go out.
Now I can say "look me up on Pornhub."
It's the building I live in, they were lucky I was wearing clothes at all
You turn 21 at midnight!
This is better than being born!!
Dad literally changed the channel from an episode of Big Bang Theory to another episode of Big Bang Theory. That's why I hate this show.
I remember reading the word "lift" so I did. The alarn went off, and I thought to myself "what dumbass pulls the fucking fire alarm?" and then I realized it was me...
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