i wouldn't be half as slutty if there were better things to do.
Come in. Grab a controller and a beer. We've got some Madden to beat.
You're the best girlfriend ever.
the cop then proceeds to point out the "proud parent of a dare graduate" bumper sticker and say well i guess it's time to take that off
I want to fuck you with a popsicle till it melts then eat it out of you
Really.
I returned the dress. When they asked for the reason for return I said, 'I don't deserve to wear white'.
if we dont hook up this weekend, im doing both his roommates
I mean besides the fact someone got stabbed, I still had a pretty good night.
somehow a sneeze triggered me puking over everyone in the car
He shoved his balls through an egg carton and showed us a picture. They were surprisingly egg-like.
Seriously how many times do I have to sleep with him before he stops calling me dude
I am a good friend because I got you a bagel. I am a bad friend because I ate half of it.
My mother is even happier about me having a sugar daddy than I am
The amount of times I have been emergency drunk in the past 72 hours is staggering
I woke up with a hangover and a man bun. Reached over to drink water and accidentally chugged raspberry vodka. So there's that.
Would you consider masturbating to Hocus Pocus an adulthood high or low?
Randomize
