I told him it was like a man's penis, but smaller.
I was at circle k buying gas and this girl in a papa johns uniform comes up and is like " I've got a bunch of extra pizzas. Large peperoni for $5." then she went to her trunk and pulled one out. It felt like a drug deal for a fat person
You know you had good weekend wheb we you hook up with three different girls and you don't feel no pain when u pee in the morning
Does she usually listen to trance and cut up broccoli when she's high?
I can always make him wear a mask... I'll tell him it's a fetish.
She ended up puking in the bathroom. But she's a good drunk... i told her to stay in there so i could dance til the club closed. She was still in the stall an hour later.
I just woke up tangled in fishing line while wearing someone else's bathing suit with fishes drawn all over me. What kind of sex did we have?
Last night I dressed up as a cowgirl and walked into McDonald's. I bought 20 mcribs. There's pictures
You climbed out your own window and walked in the front door..
It was one of those "how did I get to my bed and what am I wearing" mornings.
Yeah bunch of crazy shit... Makes you wonder how anyone found someone before tinder
I have banged to "The Emperor's New Groove" way more than could possibly be reasonable.
Waking up early to fuck the hot DILF the day before Father's Day because I'm respectable like that
Vodka for breakfast. With a side of Frankenberries. Don't judge me.
We need a kiddie pool and lots of cornstarch
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