Will you still be my friend if I read and enjoyed Twilight?
No
i'm so bored i'm watching porn for fun. not even jacking off or anything. just watching.
She kept calling me her DD, which I assumed meant designated driver, so I was confused because I don't even have a car. Found out later it means designated dick. It's what her and her friends use as code for the guy they want to hook up with at the end of the night. I feel so used.
Playing drinking games to Nancy Grace totally counts as "keeping up with current events.."
maybe you should start leaving anonymous bottles of booze on his doorstep with love notes attatched. that always gets me.
eww mummy girl is here...
what the fuckk. i just want to hold her down, wax her eyebrows, and give her some morals.
I just spewed blue gatorade in the shower. It looked like the ocean.
I think I may have appendicitis, but the house is like two blocks from the hospital so I'm just gonna go and drink anyway.
Wore last nights jeans to Christmas Dinner with the fam, found a half gram of blow, while they're praying ill be railing.
Of all the things I am low enough to do, how could you even doubt if that was one of them?
It's four o'clock and my 60yo aunt's tits have already made an appearance and there is a dildo traveling around the room periodically assaulting family members. Strangely I am thankful.
Please come over, I'm slowly melting into a ball of sexual frustration. If I'm not dead by the end of the day be very surprised.
I just had the worst experience of my life, my grandma found my condoms.
She ran from her surprise party screaming "I'm not ready for an intervention." Yeah, the girl has a problem.
We found him sitting in the back of the club crying into a strippers lap. She told us he missed his pet frog and to come back later.
Randomize
