Everyone just saw your hickey on TV and on the jumbotron at the hockey game.
Thanks dad.
TIT CHECK! TIT CHECK! ALERT! ALERT!!!!
we'll go far in life on tits alone.
I threw up red last night... I wanted to pinch myself because it wasn't green.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
there are 2 things i love giving: blowjobs & backrubs. how can i tell them that without sounding like a slut
i find it unbelievable that you didn't think it was necessary to intervene when i started letting people autograph my body with spray tan.
i'm not entirely sure that 'not getting kicked out of the bar until it got dark' really classifies as 'doing better'
how you manage to cockblock me from 500 miles away still baffles me.
I feel like we should at least be hungover if we're gonna be this grown up.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
In other news my cocaine dealer got arrested for heaving some kid out of a fourth story window.
No. Dude. I didn't knoe it eas floibg to move. It's slepprru ixuy!
I'm in the kitchen making quiche for my fuck buddy and his wife. I'm probably not the chick to get dating advice from.
Are you serious?! She sent a pizza instead of showing up?!
She did indeed. Papa Johns. It helped because I was super hangry. That bitch is smart!
so.. please tell me you did not really sleep on the washing machine last night
guilty
My hairdresser won’t do keratin treatments because of the toxins, but will put ecstasy up her butt at festivals...
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