mark tries to be a total badass to make up for the fact that he's a poor man's pete wentz
Guess what I'm doing tomorrow?
Becoming a productive member of society?
Sam. Come on.
I'm at the grocery store, it's 10 am and the woman in front of me just bought 3 boxes of wine. She turned around and told me not to be afraid
I'm sitting in front of the mirror eating cereal and pondering how my boobs got so big
Welcome to my life
you were saying "i am the vodka queen!" and then in a different voice replying to yourself "all hail the vodka queen! you are so beautiful!"
my mom just asked if she should wash your furry handcuffs with the lights or darks
I met her at the liquor store. I hope I'm wearing a condom
Maybe its all the xanax she takes but she literally has NO shame
Semen is not good for contacts.
i dont know the whole gay terminator look is really hot on him
Pssh I just bang a girl in a single person tent. Thats like the back seat of a sedan.
He wanted to watch the vow, cuddle, and not have sex. An upgrade is in order.
"I wonder if vinegar is some sort of magical hangover cure" "...no I was definitely still drunk and drinking vinegar because I was thirsty"
I mean my dick does have feeling again, which is a step in the right direction
About to wash down a xan with an iced pumpkin spiced latte from starbs and I feel like I've never lived up to my stereotype so much at one time
Randomize
