I'm too stoned for this. I'm Canadian.
I love that she's always that person who people think it's a good idea to invite her to something. and then she's there and you realize, "nope."
WTF?! TAYLOR SWIFT JUST WON ARTIST OF THE YEAR OVER MICHAEL JACKSON?! WHAT IS THIS WORLD COMING TO?!
Found a barbie with nipples. Life is complete.
i think im the only person who makes thank you cards for their drug dealer
You are forgiven. I sent you a picture of a pumpkin man as a gesture of reconciliation.
Dude. It's not even nine. I don't know yet.
Drink number four. Don't even tell me about its not even nine
Soooo fucked this chick last night! While fucking she started talking into the fan on the side of my bed. Does that count as sex with a robot
Dude I woke up and he was pissing in the corner on his clothes... I called his name an he replied " I got this" and continued.
I feel like the universe head butted me in my balls. That hungover.
.... My lady balls. Cuz I'm a lady.
Hopefully this dress says "let me rent your house" and not "let me suck your dick for money"
You peed on a pole and declared to a cop that it was your pole and yelled at him to not even look at it, and then yelled at all of us for looking at it.
We had an in depth conversion about the best way to take a dick pic. Both with and without mirrors.
I don't want to inconvenience you with my dick\n\n
I've made a new rule for socializing in the winter: if it doesn't involve me orgasming or getting drunk I can't make it
Randomize
