I've never had a man I enjoyed more than steak
you turned your livingroom into a bong?
I think most guys look at porn as a fallback career. I mean I know I do.
i love that we sang a whole new world together while you carried me through campus
hahaha our party bus just died on the freeway and we're drinking in the center divider. i'm on the roof. i win
She just got in car wreck. Wreck sex is better than break up sex
I just used an app to identify a song that was playing in the background of a porno. May god bless your soul steve jobs.
There's a point around the one and a half minute mark where the keg stand goes from impressive to pathetic
my mom just left...time to break out that water bottle of wine that I sewed into my teddy bear
Nothing says walk of shame like leather pants in daylight
Last night I woke up and the national rep of his frat was sucking my toe.
You've fucked so many I should get a word bank when you make me guess these things.
No more morning sex. Just for once, my vagina would like to go to work bone-dry and bone-free.
Your rough animalistic sex sounds are disrupting my cocktail hour
I remember waking up on the bathroom floor and seeing my teeth behind the toilet
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