so after all day drinking, we went to an all u can eat crab place and i was going from table to table surveying the crowd if they though the crab i was carrying around looked like the flying dog from never ending story...what the hell is wrong with me?
Just role played anchorman. And yes, I did take her to pleasure town.
i have a dinosaur tramp stamp
Just put a sign on a baby carriage that says "all daddy wanted was a blowjob" might get fired.
Babies are disgusting. I held one once. Then I washed my hands and rinsed my mouth out with wine.
The fuck-me-pumps were hot, the XL hoody kinda ruined it.
The judge mental looks i am getting while looking at porn on my phone sitting in the urgent care waiting room is gonna get way worse when they find out im here to see if im pregnant
So I saw her today...and it was weird...she is just like not pregnant anymore.
Dude...how high are you? of course she isnt pregnant anymore...thats what happens when you give birth
I just told the sun to stop. That hungover.
If they could bottle a hangover it would taste exactly like lemon lime Gatorade and failed hopes and dreams
Like don't initiate a threesome when we're all watching SPONGEBOB. That's like sacrilege.
He walked upstairs in nothing but his boxers and drunkenly asked my brother for a condom....so much for a good first impression.
Sometimes I wish I could tell all my past/present hookups what the nicknames that my friends and I have assigned them.
I can't imagine a friend I would rather lose my virginity to in a threesome.
He literally shouted this Viking war cry when he cam. Then as we laid there he sang me the most beautiful rendition of " When Irish Eyes are Smiling". I've never been more confused.
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