My wife says its no good to have oral sex during pregnancy. So i guess pregnancy is like regular life.
I locked my keys in my car in front of planned parenthood. I'm terrified of going inside to ask to borrow a clothes hangar.
Just tell them you need to fix a mistake real quick.
it was like one of those moments where the couple runs together and kisses and everyone in the airport claps. but instead of clapping an indian guy walked by and said 'ahhhright! get some!'
Buying beer for freshmen. No matter what they ask for, I'm getting them Colt 45.
We were doing it doggy style, and I puked on the floor and started crying, he told me it was okay his cat would eat it... and if it would make me feel better we could do anal...
And they lived happily ever after....
Thank God. You really dodged a small penis there.
Yep we found him face down in my sister's bathroom begging for blowjobs without mustard
It was like bizarre-o star trek. I shamefully went where every man has gone before.
So high I started thinking my desktop picture of a cat was too erotic for the workplace.
Dave called me blind fucking drunk thinking he was going to die from drinking with drake bell(wtf?) saying "it's all that drake motherfucker's fault" and later proceeded to tell me "you are my twitter"
There's no way I'm ready for marriage. I have too many pics of other guys' junk on my phone for an eternal commitment right now.
I mean jail does seem alright, all the free broth you can eat.
everything in the house taste like gin even the water, friday nite was a success
Sitting on couch, workout sex makes me more sore than regular workout
Can you imagine doing supermarket sweep in a sex store? What's the sex store equivalent of a whole ham?
Randomize
