When the phrase "Wow your huge" came out of her mouth I knew it was gonna be a good night.
Flying to Orlando on the 7th is cheaper than the 8th by like three margaritas.
a cemetary is a place for people to rest in peace and you just spermed all over their land
On the quad today: An amish choir singing something weird, and not 30 feet away 3 girls tanning topless. Definition of diversity.
Just watched porn on a 60 inch plasma screen TV... So that's where the clitoris is
My phone autocorrected your name to "grownup." that couldn't be more inaccurate. I'm getting a new phone.
What happened to my face?
You kneed yourself in the eye during the Harlem Shake.
It was impressive.
like i literally can feel my uterus getting frustrated at me for not being pregnant.
No, you made a silk sheet toga and held up a dildo calling yourself "The Statue of Puberty". People made pilgrimages from the other party down the block to see you.
He was awful. Hubby's was apparently epic. I suck at swinging.
8 stitches. Next time I decide to twerk while doing a keg stand, stop me.
theres a canoe in our lawn. we dont own a canoe.
it was the only safe place
Why does 10AM Spanish always turn into a discussion about my sex life?
The neighbors in the apartment above us are at it again. The roleplay this time is cop and prostitute. I give it 30 minutes, you? Already sounds better than the last one
We left an ass print on the conference room table, but I don’t think anyone caught on
Randomize
