All of his creepy stalker friends want you too
woke up this morning wit a massive hangover. walked to my truck and found at least 35 for sale signs, a stop sign, and a julie kim sign...need answers
yea, you decided to become a real estate agent last night on the way home from the party. You started bitchin about how Julie Kim was stealing all your buisness....
both the worst and best vomit ever... it was extra chunky and thick cause of the sausage... but it also tasted like delicious sausage... also cause of the sausage
So i learned you can't hair-of-a-dog jaeger hangovers.
Just think, this time last Cinco de Mayo you were holding me up and finding me passed out in the yard of that house.
That chick who made out with a door is here. Want her number??
Im drinking ciroc out of an ice cream cone... my night is going fantastic
I'm sorry but I require more work than your hamster. I need food, a minimum of 5 pillows, and I need to be played with daily.
New drunken fun fact of last night, after I pushed Sarah and before I started making out with guy #1, I shouted that I'd go to third base on a first date, then threw myself at him
I'm home alone drinking wine, so high, scrubbing my house down... This is what my thirsty thursday has become
She deserves a chance to suck my penis. This is America. Its her God given right.
Curdled. you forgot that word. It was a curdled buttery nipple shot.
People were staring and acting all judgmental and offended... Like they've never seen anyone breastfeed in a liquor store.
I apparently asked the cab driver to show us his dick and then he showed me a picture of his girlfriend
And I broke things off with Justin last night. Except I texted him while he was asleep and then I was like well, that's probably not what he wants to wake up to, so I sent him a picture of the coconut I microwaved and caught on fire when I was really high one time.
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