Haha na a cat just ran under your car. Howd that happen?
Probably a woman cat. Doesnt think things through
it was like my fingers were behind enemy lines
I stole a road cone for their 13 yr old son. Apparently I told him to put Christmas lights on it, and "treat her like a lady."
He keeps the condoms in his bible. I guess stairs or elevator, we're getting to hell one way or another.
Would it help you get over me if I told you that I had unprotected sex last night?
i dont care if it was her birthday. if she leaves me with a half rack of budweiser and her boyfriend obviously shits gonna go down.
I was really disturbed by what initially appeared to be a dismembered head sitting beside you. Then I realized you were laying on her body.
PS August 29 of last year was when you ran over my foot. Facebook just reminded me.
I forgot how wholesome of a place a park is when youre not drinking there.
Ya. I wonder how much being a beard for a major league baseball player pays. This could be a lucrative arrangement...
So this is what you do on your hungover days off put your balls into an egg carton?
I'm still laying in bed cuz I don't feel like adulting yet
It's like an adderall Houdini. Right when you think you have a deal he disappears
How exactly does a handjob become fancy?
Blueberry lube, and champagne.
OF COURSE I NEED TO KNOW I MUST KNOW EVERYTHING
YOU ARE NOT OMNIPOTENT AND YOU HAVE TO DEAL WITH THAT
I AM OMNIPOTENT AND YOU HAVE TO DEAL WITH THAT
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