you used to get mad at me for mentioning 'unprotected sex' and happenings in my bed
well yeah, but then i realized the wisdom of your ways.
She actually said during sex "the only thing that would make this more perfect is if we were listening to Lenny Kravitz"
So, obviously, you had to give a fake number this morning.
Yes. Also, we may never be able to go back to that bar again.
i'm really high, and this is sooooooooooo important. how many frosties does it take to fill a bathtub?
Nothing kills the mood more than a jesus song.
I'm not inviting you over anymore if my cat keeps ending up in the freezer...
Only the gays. Guy gives me a handjob in the steam, then changes next to me under his towel
Only the gays
I haven't seen her in ages, how is she?
Well I woke up next to her this morning so I guess I would say she could be doing better
Not gonna make it. My ovaries are playing laser tag
I woke up and there was pizza slices on the fucking walls of my room
Showing girls my stab wound was not the brilliant idea I thought it was.
Take the weirdness of Japan and add the insanity of Florida and that's Jimmy
I am texting my fuck buddy about fucking tonight, while facebook chatting with his wife about food.
I just told my mormon professor that I was late because I was getting a STD test... good start to the day.
The best part of being a lesbian? If I'm late for work at a hookup's place I can use her make up and peace out. Well and all the sex of course.
We just started our own DARE program: Drugs are really enjoyable.
Randomize
