I mean, there was frosting being put on a tunafish sandwich. Pretty sure she knew we were high.
Your never gonna wash that desperation outta that sweatshirt you know.
I'm not drunk enough to eat silly string
I dreamt of sea otters and your boobs. My two favorite things.
The only times girls talk to me at clubs is when they're asking if I'm okay when I'm puking outside. Or if it's a tranny
Just took a piss in some random bushes in a traffic jam and had to sprint back to the car. I'm a boss.
Sorry, fell into some ass. Call you tomorrow.
Yeah I'd rather get obliterated at home.
Same here. I'd like to ensure that I won't get pissed on.
oh my god you are days, if not hours away from a dick pic. This is the day the lord has made rejoice and be glad in it
Is there a tactful way to ask "how are your balls?" Or do I just ask point blank
So my ex just asked for my address to send me his wedding invitation... in Europe. Awesome.
That’s basically a green light to fuck his dad
Do I masturbate or eat a pound of matazah. Alissa help what do I do??
If the people you’re with use the word tequila in a sentence with phrases like hair of the dog or breakfast of champions...run awsy
QUIT BEING A BITCH, DRINK SOME PEPTO, AND PUKE ON OUR FOES
we went to the skate park then back to her house for dinner, and somehow that ended with her making me blueberry pancakes at 2am
Randomize
