I really want to sleep with her friend. I'm hoping our casual sex relationship will somehow lead to that.
My bra smells like weed because there's weed in my bra
I just needed to know whether or not to wear panties to work tomorrow.
Im rethinking drunk tuesdays. Also rethinking ovaries.
Anytime you have a hot, flirty, married woman that wants to ride you like a horse and slap your ass, you've got to do it.
Yeah, but four times?
The taxi driver was cool until you left. He then started blasting enya and telling me I look like I need another line.
Well, at least he doesn't refer to you as his associate. his mattress associate
yeah a little bit of me felt bad about it. But the rest of me was having sex with him.
Just walked out of 7 11 still in uniform when 4 girls in bikinis in a convertable screamed "we fuck firefighters!"
Career choice validated
It was the classiest, most strategic and inspired vomiting I've ever witnessed. Like a blind mans first sunrise. A priests first prayer. Or a virgins first orgasm.
I want you to know that the guy who peed in your bed got fat.
I made out with the uber driver for free weed, I thought he deserved it
Stop recording sex noises and setting them as my ringtones. This time it was at a funeral
Never joke about your clitoris.
Something in me snapped and now I’m just googling famous vegans.
Randomize
