i wish my penis had a tongue
i wanted a birthday blowjob. not a birthday VD.
I was too high to figure out which of the three doors would lead me to my classroom, so i sat down in the middle of the hallway and ate a twinkie.
Well, if your day started with strippers, then we're tied. Otheriwse, I'm winning.
hey..i found a takeout box with a half-eaten hamburger in it, the box said to text this number if found...
you were sitting on your bed looking out the window, rocking back and forth naked, saying how peaceful it looked outside
We name dropped you at the liquor store and got a ten percent discount!
Who faxed a picture of their penis to the office printer?!
Its so fun. We're having a music war with the boat next to us. They have strippers.
Stand up sex. Extremely, extremely difficult. I now know how pointe dancers feel.
I am day drunk. Get ready to see my dick.
Just saw identical twins riding scooters. Today is not real who the hell rides a scooter anymore
Apparently fireball doesn't mix well with my no carb diet
Are you texting, crying and driving?
And missing part of my eyebrow. Correct that is the description one would give of me at the moment.
We were getting fries and you hopped the counter and yelled "WELCOME TO GOOD BURGER HOME OF THE GOOD BURGER" and threw up
Randomize
