I fink we're distracting them from bumping the proverbial uglies
we're chasing vodka with high fives
HOLD UP I think she only has eight fingers...
make sure nobody uses the downstairs toilet. i like to have an unused toilet for the weekends. dont shit where you puke i always say.
There is a guy dressed as Captain America in the theatre. I want to make out with him even though I have no idea what he looks like. Wish me luck, I'm going in.
it's like I can see my whorish nature reflected back at me in his wedding ring.
He sent me a snap chat of his naked torso with cookies over his nipples. Like.... that does not make me want you homeboy.
So Bodhi just sent me a pic of someone's balls with a message that says "I hope you all have a ballin' night." I don't even know what level of friendship to call this anymore.
Oh my god.
The ballsiest level.
Ok. You have started something that can only end with a picture of the inside of my butthole. It may happen today or next year, but it's on my agenda.
I have successfully trained your dog to bring me pudding cups!
What am I thankful for..I figured out I can drink on antibiotics without getting sick thanks to the power of pot gummies
It was kind of like hidden Mickey ears, but with dicks.
I purposely left my thong and accidentally left my ethics book, hairspray and most of my dignity.
I WANNA... wait, will you kinkshame me?
Nah.
I WANNA KNOW WHAT HE SMELLS LIKE
I am listening to Jack Johnson and wearing the sweater your Mother made me fuck mother nature I am in my happy place right now
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