Who has a tranny cab driver? I have a tranny cab driver.
Shark Week may as well be Shark Weed.
He came on my face and tried to draw out a smiley face because he said I looked like I had a bad day
ok this guy next to me just sat down with a no joke, 10,000 page book, popped an addy, cracked open a red bull and opened the book to page 1.
Why does Thanksgiving make hot girls feel disgusting and fat girls feel horny? Its killing my prospects.
Um, I don't really remember much about the event... and then I woke up on the metro..
I'm not sure what happened last night, but I have someone stored in my phone as 'Aftershock'
I try to help out whenever I can. Speaking of rough nights I woke up half naked on Brady's couch with bloody paper towels duct taped to my foot.
He just showed up at my house and was like "have you seen an axe laying around?" he wasnt wearing any shoes.
Or stump rather since he's possibly large. Large penises don't have tips, just blunt ends of battering rams.
Ladies, if you have recieved this text then you are one of the lucky few friends I have decided to make this proposal to. As you all know, my boyfriend's birthday is in two weeks and I have finally decided on the perfect present. Surprise threesome. Now, there can only be one, this isn't an orgy you know, so I will be rating the ideal candidates on bra size and sluttyness. Experiance will count, references if available. Inbox me your credentials so we can come to a...Satisfying agreement.
Naked. naked and bneed help.
Welp. It's confirmed. There is literally no lube on this entire island. Fuck me. More accurately, don't fuck me.
It's the first weekend of the school year and I'm already selling stuff for booze. Need a microwave?
Totally unrelated, but by the way I DO have one ball bigger than the other.
Randomize
