i realized my work ethic and productivity really improves if i masturbate on my lunch break.
I'm in a subway station watching a tranny do her makeup. This is like watching a unicorn giving birth.
just put an icicle in the bong. best/worst idea ever. i think i can taste global warming right now.
I woke up in solitary confinement, wheb they moved me the guy that sold me the pill of Molly at the concert was in the police waiting room, we nodded to each other.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Just ate a chocolate chip cookie upside down. This is what having a degree does for you.
I just replaced the poop spray with an air horn... Now we wait!
I built a fence. For the bunnies we're going to adopt. I'll fill you in when you get home.
I was hammered helping a pregnant woman at the gas station name her unborn child. We had to try everything with two different last names because she was waiting on the results of her paternity test.
I just remember lots of butts and something about ranch dressing.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Glass of stolen champagne in a to go cup = tastiest hangover cure ever
I just feel like I'm worth a little bit more than your recycled nudes...
Pregnancy has ruined porn for me. I can't watch a hot chick get it on without being jealous of her perfectly waxed shit. I can't even see my shit.
Me and some guy are crying in a port a potty together after another guy broke up with both of us.
You were laying on the floor coloring a "get well soon' card for your liver...
I'm covered in bruises and scratches. I dont know whether to call them battlescars or sex decals
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