Told my mom a bit ago she'd meet you tonight
Um...??
She's excited
maybe you should take the dick out of your mouth before you start talking.
i did. i'm using it as a microphone.
I find it funny that "sexual harassment" contains the phrase "ass sex". Let me know what your thoughts are on the matter.
No offense but you kinda look like a Jack Johnson fan in that pic
He just left me a message saying he left the rest of the weed for me. Did i just get paid for sex? And if yes did i just get paid in drugs?
So you know that marine I slept with, well his girlfriend just told me I was pretty, I almost feel bad for sleeping with him now...
Dont! You were just serving you country
At the bar. Madeline and I totally brought our own pitcher from home because they always run out. Hello alcoholism.
it's not like this is the first time she's brought a guy home and I'm the one who hooks up with him
i asked the cop if we could stop and do a chinese firedrill.... he said no.
The horniest man in the world doesn't want sex as bad as I want pizza right now.
Im like a saiyan, last weekends hangover will only make me stronger
I would like to formally reclaim my title of a turn up queen.
The batteries in my vibrator died before I could finish. Which is a lot like my sex life lately......
Somehow reaching for the flaming hot cheetos ended up in the best sex of my life
You make me want to do things that I'm pretty sure are illegal.
Randomize
