You did that once after drunk driving from a photo shoot
That was very cool/italian of you
Which brings me to my next point, how come italians are so well adapted to drunk driving
Dude, the girl next to me just farted. Worst part, it smells like astroglide
I don't think my ego could take a straight man out-cooking me.
Just found out its our ciliated mucous membrane that traps the molly when we snort it. Biology does relate to life
He leaned out the window to puke right as the fan for the ac turned on. All of it blew back up into his face.
I really think we need to get on this Charlie Sheen bandwagon
I ended up taking shots of whiskey and chasing them with potato wedges, I have never felt more Irish
Nah the bridesmaids all had dates. I slept with the next best thing: girl who WANTED to be a bridesmaid but didnt make the cut.
Voted patient of the month again at the urgent care. I need to rethink my life choices.
You're probably reading this when you wake up from your "nap" in the front yard. Maybe next week you should go to class, and not start Thirsty Thursday at 9:30 in the morning.
Yes, but if I hadn't gotten here early, I never would have seen the butch lesbian midget waddling down stairs from the bar. Worth every minute of drinking alone.
Had sex in a cemetery last night during a thunderstorm. I feel like my goth points have skyrocketed
She made sure everyone knew we were doing shots for her dead grandma.
YOU WILL DIE AND I WILL CARVE 'I TOLD YOU SO' ON YOUR HEADSTONE
this party is nice, but i have to go home and cry over anime in order to fill my daily quota of suffering
Randomize
