I lost my shoes and bra and was beyond mapquesting
sorry if i was weird last night, had weird deja vu that we had done that before, i mean with the peanut butter.
we had.
well that explains the rash. i dont think i should see you again.
High as balls & about to be tanning. Helloooo 15 minute vacay.
Party at my house. Liquor pinata. Your presence is required.
There's 12 honey baked hams in my fridge. I vaguely recalled you organizing a "Midnight Ham Run."
i mean, i stole her boyfriend and beat her snake score on facebook within 48 hours. not her week.
My math professor just asked us to draw the graph of the derivative of our drunkenness from friday to sunday. Dear Jesus this looks bad.
The waitress asked if you wanted white or brown, and you said "Isn't it all the same color when it's toasted?". She stared at you for about 20 seconds before she decided that you weren't fucking with her.
I was mid hand job and stopped me because he wanted to "connect" which meant putting his thumb in between my eyebrows and a hand over my heart and closing our eyes...
He just texted me asking for his shirt back and I said I didn't have it and then I ran into him 5 minutes later while wearing the said shirt
She came out of the bathroom listening to her iPod and crying. Then she started scream 'she will be loved'. She seems to be handling the break up well lol
I just want to see his penis in the light. Is that a crime?
If you feel frisky later I have a cowboy hat that would look great on you naked...
Who is this......
So I wake up to my ex girlfriends underwear hanging from the ceiling fan and the only thing i can think of is "what time is the game"
Long story short wrist restraints, Apple Watch and cumming all don’t mix
Randomize
