i just lost my virginity over my 3 hour lunch break..
u hav a 3 hour lunch break?!
i like how the length of my lunch break is the thing that phases u
He asked me to grab his balls and yell "thats a spicy meat-a-ball" Last time I do requests.
I wish I could go about my daily activities with his dick inside me
I got groped on the dancefloor by both grooms. I love gay weddings
At my wifes high school reunion. Found out her nickname was 'Back Door Brooke'. EVERYONE is calling her that.
If you value my life, if you value your own, please look for that godforsaken cookie. Please.
The last thing I want is a chocolate mold of my cock competing with my real cock for time spent in your mouth
It doesn't feel like real life when you open your hotel room door and the first person you see is wearing a rabbit costume. I'm too hungover for this.
I've started day drinking because fuck everyone else
Pretty sure the guy I hooked up with Saturday gave me a buy one get one free coupon for chipotle. Who said nice guys don't exist?
we are the best best friends ever. You had sex in an ice cream truck I had sex in a fire truck
public service announcement: beginning at 10pm please text me at half hour intervals reminding me to keep my legs shut tonight. Note, this is not a drill.
Pride log, day two. Noticing more bruises and scrapes. Liver functions probably very lowered.
For full disclosure: I told my roommates last night that you have a very clean asshole.
I walked in the kitchen and heard her saying "We could have been so good together" as she caressed an egg with her cheek.
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