Do you have any idea why the dryer isn't working?
Because you touch yourself at night.
nothing like celebrating the fact that you're not a father by trying to impregnate other women
I had 4 margarita's and 2 mixed drinks and i blew zero's. Its a cinco de mayo miracle.
Yea, remember to blow out the fire from flaming shots. Unless you want burnt lips. Just saying, I'm an example of ignorance and intoxication.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
dude, i turned on the light and asked if they were ok and they STILL didn't stop. Most determined sex EVER.
and then you looked me right in the eyes and said "i just really wanna pet some horses right now"
Just helped a homeless man panhandle outside of Wawa, made him $6.31. Where are you?
Saw you fall down on Jefferson and a cop drove by and shook his head. How you didnt get arrested after the party you went to on saturday is beyond me.
Hey man, I found your crocs and your visor in the road. Got em for you.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
only i would grind with someone to harp music at a gay wedding
Totally shot down my boss for sex today. Approaching this weekend with a clear conscience and an untouched vagina.
She had pubes that could make an episode of Duck Dynasty. Fear the Vag Beard
Signs you do Molly too much. Glow sticks fallout of random articles of clothing on academic row
Hold on...did you Instagram a picture of you and your boyfriend while you were sending me dirty snapchats?
Funny you say that, I just sold my stripper pole to my mom tonight...
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