i keep telling myself in the mirror "get undrunk"
do you think women who transgender themselves have the option of getting a circumcised or an uncircumcised dick?
This Casey James character from American Idol is really gonna mess up my sex life.
Or maybe the fact that you know who Casey James is will be what messes up your sex life.
This is getting ridiculous. See/touch her boobs=good day. Not see/not touch her boobs=bad day. I am legitimately depressed over the lack of tits in my hands right now.
Eliza got arrested. What's the protocol on eating an arrested person's sandwich?
While we were having sex he told me "this is what you get for not parking my car right" I have never drove his car. He was that kind of weird.
a cabby told me that vodka is the coors light of liquor, and then gave me his number
hung over. covered in somebodies makeup. and ready to drink.
Speaking of testosterone. I saw a girl with a moustache thicker than one I can grow last night...
He came for an unexpected visit and let's just say I shattered his illusion that girls don't watch porn
He just had a handle of vodka with ice in it yelling at people hot august night mother fuckaaaaa and was pouring it on his face
he puked in the sink and didnt turn off the water before he passed out on the bathroom floor. its been 2 hrs and we finally noticed that the whole fucking house is flooded. to hell with this birthday party
She seriously left me for a guy that likes his own statuses on facebook.....
My boss stocked the communal fridge with Gatorade. It's like he wants me to come in hungover.
It's hard not to feel like a terrible person with bruises on your tits.
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