And now I'm afraid that I'm a pornographic eater.
I just ate 3 burrito supremes and a crunchwrap...can't feel feet...I think I have diabetes
i never knew gatorade would taste just as good on the way back up
You don't even know the meaning of faking an orgasm until you sleep with an uncircumcised ginger.
Sure, fine. Daughter just told me she is not a virgin anymore. I am gonna start drinking now
i realized really quickly that drinking a bottle of vodka and 3 crystal light packets wasn't the best idea i've ever had
I just drank til 6am then boned a 32 yr old that looks exactly like ET. Oh god.
Why does it always end up with me crying in my car.
He hit on a bridal shower w/ his hand on my tit the entire time. Gave his number to the mom.
This text is addressed to sober me: getting drunk by yourself may have seemed like a Good idea at first bit it can tell you that it wasn't ad fun as you thought it would be
Ps your lap top bag is FULL of empty beets
I'd just like to say before I start drinking tonight that not only do I not find you attractive; I don't want to hook up with you, suck your dick, be your "suga mama" or have your babies. Please disregard any texts, phone calls or voicemails that say otherwise..
I was thinking that, but I'm not sure the proper etiquette on asking about someone's nipple rings. Even if you did see them and compliment them once.
I can't believe i lost my ID... bringing my birth certificate to the club was a weird experience
I took multi-tasking to a new level. I just ate a plate of nachos off my lap while driving to the bar. And I barely got any on me.
Ugh. All the good hoes are in their third trimester.
Randomize
