my roommates friend slept in my bed when i was out of town..she ran out screaming cause she saw my VCR
is it true guys wash their penises in the sink if they think they're getting laid at a bar?
it's more of a rinse.
if i get killed by an online date, its your job to tell my parents that we met at church
girl is pretty boring. i'm gonna see if she'll let me finger her.
they found her hiding behind the couch trying to feed a cabbage patch doll a bottle of tequila. please tell me she's on birth control.
I love that your last three texts to me were "Drunk." "Getting laid." "In the hospital."
He looks like he'd be great Lego character.
We jumped on a random trolley because total strangers offered us free vodka. We're not even on the route map as far as I can tell. I see now how those people died in "Hostel"... we deserve whatever happens to us tonight.
He came when Ron Burgundy started playing the jazz flute. How do you think it went?
Go tell your boss to go fuck himself because you have beer and doritos and zombies waiting on you
like every night i go out someone always suggests nipple hugs so that's why I always end up topless
No seriously, I don't care if you just sucked God's dick. I have had a better Fat Tuesday than you
did you just send me my own nude
Had a dream I was doing scat with Caroline. I need to lay off the cheese at night
When you start lapping your martini like a cat it's time to go home. Partys over.
Randomize
