Did you hallucinate the same white buffalo that I did last night.
No, but I did see you shaking hands with a homeless man.
I like to think it a success when the cops are called
First off: I'm drunk so fuck you. Second: you weren't a bad girlfriend. Tres: thats 3 in spanish. Number 4: fuck 3 Doors Down
ugh. people who use coupons make me wanna punch a baby.
we had incredible sex, then he proposed with the vibrating cock ring
i screwed him while his gf was puking in the shower. 2011 is looking up already
Spent the entire ride home from downtown trying to convince designated dawgs to drop us off at waffle house instead of our apartment. i told them it was my house...they didn't buy it.
Gooodnight my beautiful sex angel. Much luvz for joo, etceteraz
Just found out drinking 6 trays of random shots makes me wake up on a club toilet with my underwear and jeans around my ankles
Could have had sex with an ex NFL kicker last night.
That would've been embarrassing.
On a scale of one to liver failure, how bad would it be if I played thunderstruck alone?
Pray for me. I just had a sex dream about Debbie Wasserman-Schultz.
I wanna get to the point where I can just send a question mark and get an exclamation point in response
Can you please come in my room and pour water in my mouth? Too hungover to move. btw who is this guy in my bed? Can't see his face. Cute?
how is it I left wearing underwear then ended up with none? and why is it they are on you?
Randomize
