So called my VP's house on Sunday drunk and told him that if he didn't hire me for the new position I would skull fuck his wife. They asked me to go home today. Thanks again Vodka
We found them in a dumpster making out trying to get their privacy
Thank you for holding my bra last night while i did a topless lap around the house
Three people drank on "never have I had sex in a tractor." Iowa at its best?
She keeps telling me I can't keep feeding the dog my food. I gave half the weed brownie to the dog and half to me. I just want it to taste the greatness of cheezits like I am.
He just grabbed my boob and justified it by saying "I just wanna feel your heart beat"
lesson #1 of freshman year: grinding with a sombrero is difficult
Sorry I got completely naked in your bed, but I feel our friendship has grown because of it.
If you get laid dressed as my dad that makes me extremely uncomfortable
I was totally pumped and so was my beard
Now in listening to Jerome Bettis speak at the hall of fame and my boner just started twirling a terrible towel
Stop leaving buckets of wine at my house.
I think after tonight I'm 85% lesbian
The housekeeper found my huge dildo under the bathroom sink, and another in the living room. I can't get much more single than this.
It's a novelty for anyone to see a girl like me in a skirt like this milking a cow
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