I typed "housewife" into monster.com's search engine....I got zero results...kinda bummed
The intern claims someone glued plastic eyeballs to his penis last night. He going to show everyone in the conference room at 3pm. There is a $5 cover charge.
When I got up in the middle of the night, puked in his trash can, and snuck out the front door, I pretty sure he knew it was over.
I am wearing two different shoes and just swallowed my gum. Wake the fuck up and bang the bartender already.
I just gagged from thinking about the amount of tequila we will be drinking. DRUNK TUESDAYS
I found all these half eaten mandarin orange on the ground and the bruises on my neck are definetely not hickies
Can we just smoke a few bowls and eat grilled cheese while drunk in our hotdog suits at 9am ?
Sorry i vommed in a cup next to u w out warning.. Actually im not that sorry cuz i didn't spill a drop LIKE A PRO
Holy fuck where did this cat tattoo on my ass come from
Girl you know I'm an advocate of debauchery but you might wanna check yoself.
First contact since we had sex and it's to get my HBO password. I sure pick winners huh
Why would you call when you knew I'd be having sex!?
Why would you answer?
So you can now add nose to my list of places that cum has gone that it shouldn't...
And our sex soundtracks thus far have been metal and Star Wars
fuck st louis. fuck their hockey. fuck their basball. fuck their football if they still got it. fuck their tiddlywinks teamm. fuck their ribs. fuck their entire city. what im trying to say is i dont like st louis
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