I'm scared
There's nothing to be scared of. My penis is average size.
That's what I'm afraid of
ice luge is my downfall...
...u mean upfall.
my sister and i are watching a movie and pregaming together. and by pregaming i mean shes not drinking since she 14 and im drinking alone.
you don't know true fear until you are a convinced that velociraptors are trying to kill you through your roof.
We may have picked the wrong resort. Brenna and I have already been propositioned for swinging twice and we've only been here 3 hours
You straight up wore me out. This should be a proud moment for you. It's almost like my penis is asking for a timeout. But not really
Dude, I passed out on the side walk, lost my phone and shirt, and walked 12 miles home after I disappeared from the club
somebody should make me the poster child for not drinking everclear..
I've come to realize that I need a break from life when I just tried to use my address numbers as the cook time on the microwave
It's true. There would need to be A LOT of data collection. Aka, dick-catching. I volunteer as tribute.
How's Vegas?
Woke up with a sculpture of my own head. Been trying to find Ashley for two days. so pretty not too bad.
Update: pile o Coke party starting at approx 4 - 7 and going until 1ish to celebrate our founding fathers and love of cocaine and hatred of everyone\n
That awkward moment when you hear your boss yelling during sex while you're on her couch eating Easy Mac.
What the hell do you do when your fuck buddy leaves to go for a piss naked and 20 minutes later hasn't come back and can't be found anywhere in the house or outside but has left his phone, tee shirt and shoes in your bedroom.
I don't think there is a pre defined social etiquette for a lost naked fuck buddy now roaming the streets.
As your boyfriend, I'm gonna congratulate you on winning that fist fight. But as a cop, I have to tell you to not do that again.
Randomize
