i made sure i dropped the whole "im a yoga teacher" bomb which basically roofies a guys sense of judgement and guarantees he will sleep with me.
He was really drunk and I dared him to jump the swimming pool on his bike. Sadly he couldn't. Hey did you know a testicle can burst?
I can't tell if your life is amazing or needs reevaluation when "did I get hit with a nightstick" is a legitimate question.
I'm pretty sure getting a blow job behind a bar in Rome while her little sister is throwing up in a dumpster not 5 feet away, gives entirely new meaning to the phrase "When in Rome"
No no don't get confused. We do chemistry homework on Thursdays. We screw on Fridays. Other than that, Words With Friends is our only communication five days a week. We are NOT dating.
he just gave me a love letter in polish. he thinks i speak polish. I DONT SPEAK POLISH
This guy has a theme song for the joints he rolls
I was so high. I had so much hair. It was like all my hair follicles exploded.
I just found out my younger brother has me saved in his contacts as "Womb Primer" and I don't know what to do with this information
the puppy had a little leather gag and was using a ball gag as a fetch toy
I'm to childless and to single to be asking myself why I'm so sticky
Nothing like ripping open the box with your keys on a sat R train and throwing back the morning after pill with some coconut water on my way to work at a fitness studio for free
He is married, and has a regrettably large penis. I need to find another one right away to get myself out of this mess.
How big does a penis have to be before it becomes regrettably so?
he was just sitting there in his underwear... and his chewbacca mask...
No I’m scared man. She sharted. In my car. Wearing a dress. And I still like her.
Wow
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