Bonnaroo quote of the day: "why the fuck am i pregnant?!?!" - exclaimed loudly by random hippie.
Hey babe, chan wants you to stop texting her about the size of TJ's dick. please.
if hell is full of stilettos, fake tans, bleached hair, overused make-up, drawn out s's and blatent bitchiness, then i'm in hell right now.
Lol welcome to greek life
ok, I understand that your bathroom door is broken, but at least close the blinds next time you take a shit. The entire parking garage just watched you.
What a good family we'd make, him and I and our kids and his good dick.
it took me 7 solid minutes to realize "egggGSaucetingf" meant "exhausting"
Also, hurry up because I don't like drinking alone. I'm still doing it, but I don't like it.
Not sure how ur night is going, but unless u also saw a naked drunk chick pissing outside i doubt it can top mine
She has the perfect pussy. Looks like a paper cut with a puff of cotton candy on top.
Life Goals: never under any circumstances, pee in an elevator again. No matter how drunk
I mentioned the porn thing he mentioned a brother it all kinda just came together
i feel like ive seen the light, but not in the nasty christian way. thats gross. say no to jesus, kids
Should I wear my "kiss me I'm highrish" shirt for my drug screen today?
I took the beard trimmer to my balls this morning.\nMuch blood. Much blood from my scrotum.
It's all fun and games until your mom recognizes your bootycall from 2018 as her attorney
Randomize
