the more pounds shes got the more points. bonus points awarded for specialty moves used. aka broken cowboy, tobogan, dutch oven, or brazilian fake out.
I woke up to him eating cereal out of my viking helmet with a shot glass. No idea where he got the milk.
He made me meet him in the baby department of walmart where he was waiting with his pregnant girlfriend. Time for a new dealer
Priorities: waking up on your doorstep desperately clutching half a meatball marinara but with no sign of your keys, purse or housemate. Where are you?!
I feel like his penis would have a weird haircut because he does.
Your headphones are on the door knob and I left you a burger on the door step.
so serious though like its almost like I'm playing a game that's my life and Im always losing
The bachelor party was supposed to stay local but I think were in mexico.
but I'm still not sure how you became more and more fluent in Spanish the drunker you got
The bar tender had his entire hand down your asscrack.
I forgot about that. I was in MULTIPLE dimensions.
We sexted for four hours straight. Is this really what my life has come to?
He let me share his family pack of hot pockets with him. Chivalry isn't dead after all.
what did we do after we left your crib?
you layed down in some rocks for about an hour, you stole some pumpkins, you passed out and started shaking, we got t-bell, we took you back to the dorm.
He fucked the hangover right out of me. That good.
YOU'D BE LIKE A MERMAID! I'll bring you coffee filters to cover your tits.
Randomize
