Facebook is asking me which Pokemon I'd be. Is there one whose only moves are gay sex and reading Adrienne Rich?
Sorry I totally forgot to text you back. When you texted me I was at work at the pharmacy and it was stupid busy. And then of course I had my 8 hour "shoot me b/c half of Loyola comes in to buy plan B" shift.
IM NOT LETTING YOU PEE ON ME IF THATS WHAT YOURE GETTING AT.
your youtube search consisted of "food slideshow" and "the angry beavers"
His drunken night ended with a "car accident" which really meant he was stuck in a toy car and pushed down the steps.
It was romantic. He brought over a bottle of Jack to celebrate us becoming official on Facebook. Definitely a story for the grandkids.
He told me he wanted to show me something beautiful, then just started peeing off the bridge into oncoming traffic
You need to braveheart it on Monday. Blue face paint and a loin cloth screaming freedom in your front yard.
Im drinking ciroc out of an ice cream cone... my night is going fantastic
I'm going on a new diet. It's called the "eat healthy otherwise boys won't want to have sex with your fat ass" diet. Wish me luck.
We designated a driver... But it was me..... So we designated another driver
I'm so glad I was blacked out while I was going all exorcist in the bathroom. That's so not a memory I want.
I ripped off the screen and literally supermaned through my bedroom window. That wasted
I mean, I bought pot and shampoo before I ran out. I think I can adult.
I feel really sorry for my toilet right now
Randomize
