...So a 6 ft tall drag queen in heels I would kill for just told me I have a dunkable ass. I'm confused...but I'll take any compliment I can.
I am so horny I keep driving over the rumble strips... best half hour ever.
Just saw remains of her puke from last night on my pants.... thats got "Apology BJ" written all over it.
I realized i make the same noise when i get a blow job as when i eat pizza
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I gave you a 45 minute blowjob. You were inside me for 3 minutes. I'm going to need you to get your shit together.
She made me sing happy birthday to myself at the urinal.
I get off at the next exit which doesn't have a shoulder, a guy is riding my ass so I cant stop. I think I got as much puke on his car as on mine.
idk but i can hear her singing "Call Me Maybe" really slowly and emotionally in the shower right now
Should I take my grandma to a keg tomorrow or not? Serious question
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I don't have to hold her hair back as she blows me but I do have to hold the ball on the Santa hat
The little girl I'm babysitting is having a tea party, the water and chips she's passing out are doing wonders for my hangover.
He was feeling me up but acting like he was asleep. Like WTF does that mean??
Drink. Fuck. Waffle House. Repeat.
I'm serenading his dick with my words. I understand how poets get inspiration now.
I feel like he doesn't realize we're offering him a threeway with sisters and I don't understand how that's possible.
Maybe we should bring mom next time.
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