ive come to realize my hair is a lot like my vagina. i put a bunch of shit in it with no result
if we break up, who will get the dealer?
What's the most polite way to say "Congrats on losing weight, but no one is happy your boobs got smaller."
What goes on in that head of yours?
Gay sex, for the most part. Why?
I just heard my parents fuck. What. The. Fuck. My rooms right under theirs.. My dad barely even lasted a minute. Im almost ashamed..
No don't worry! What are obnoxious, alcoholic, slut roommates for if not for uplifting words and tales of my folly?!
Yeah man... I ordered donuts, drank wine, and cried to a movie with Seth Rogen in it. Do you really think I have my shit together?
Jill you already won the game by finding a dude who will fuck you in flamingo knee socks. Theres no hope for the rest of us
80% sure the drag queens carried her home
some how during sex we caught an ENTIRE pillow on fire. A WHOLE PILLOW.
No, it's ok. He's Greek. To him I'm just a light drinker, not an alcoholic.
All I need to do is acquire a Shrek costume.
Please don't traumatize your girlfriend too terribly. Have fun.
Stop chatting and get in the fucking car. I didn't get my asexual ass out of bed just to watch you flirt and fail with someone you're never going to see again.
why is there a porcupine in the kitchen
just answer this one ? for me. why is there human shit in my shower right now?
Randomize
