i just heard someone have an orgasm and then throw up through the vent in my room.
I just sneezed alcohol in a candle and started a fire.
What an age we live in that I can try to pick up a guy by using my phone while I'm taking a shit at work.
It's like god made him fantastic at oral to make up for what his mouth does the rest of the time.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
My chiropractor just high fived me for getting drunk enough to throw my back out this weekend.. Life. Complete.
IDK. when she left she was wearing her bra like an eyepatch and offering to shiver the timbers of the dorm patrol.
SHE SITS THERE LIKE A DICK LIKE AN ACTUAL DICK JUST LIMP AND DUMB AND BLAH
Over 50% of the drunkest nights I have ever had began with me saying "I'll just drink my dinner" to you.
Was the first guy that bit your neck last night wearing a trenchcoat...I have a vague memory.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Also bring a pizza or no entry to my vagina OR the fort.
Cheese only
I just accidentally showed an old lady a pic of my penis while showing her cat pics. So how's your day going?
Is this like a preordered booty call?
Taking care of drunk people fulfills my need to be a mother
She can be as judgemental as she wants. But she thinks the female orgasm is a myth so who is really winning here...
She ripped her shorts off and yelled "VAGINA TIME!"
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