At lowes after workin outside. Kid behind me says "mommy that man smells like a taco" yes she was talking about me.
she smelled like a LAN party
There's a girl n class drinking wine out of a taco bell cup. I can smell it.. it's totally reisling. JEALOUS.
I mean what are real friends for if they won't hold down your wedding dress to allow for a keg stand
I told him I'd rather have sex with his father last night. I'll admit now that I was drunk.
It's now 3:30 and the guy I went home with is showering me with shredded cheese. Nbd.
just had to sit in the middle of an aisle in stop and shop because we're too hungover and needed to take a break.
I need to find more Xanax, my Grandpa doesent leave for another week and he's made it a mission to get me to come out of the closet as a xmas gift to my parents.
Dad just showed up on someone else's golf cart, filled an ice chest with booze and left while yelling "SHINANIGANS!!!!" this is going no where fast.
Ah that wonderful moment when you realise the bookmark you were using in a book you lent your mum is actually a receipt from a strip club
The George Foreman grill is melted. I don't know what other problems could arise.
Cleaned the whole house at 7:30 and after cleaning the bathroom I think I had cocaine on my sweatpants
Yesterday we were fuck buddies and today I'm meeting his mom. That escalated quickly.
Well now you know my birthday fantasy: gangbang consisting of men wearing NPR pledge t-shirts.
you'll kiss me after i give you a blowjob but you wont kiss me after I eat apple sauce? am I the only one who sees something wrong with this?
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