Last night was def like the makeout party episode of full house
Can the rest of this semester just go by as a montage?
shes 19, drunk and said she has no gag reflex. im trying to decide if i have scruples
you dont
i dont
Small children cheering my name. I am not a decent enough human being to feel comfortable with this.
why is there a broken handcuff locked to the ceiling fan
BABIES FOR EVERYONE. I'd be like Oprah except with babies
Smoked before work and just remembered i left pringles in my desk last time i was high. SCORE
I just watched in amazement as you had a full conversation about water temperature and bacteria with your pet goldfish.
I may or have may not just taken a swig out of a jar of alfedo sauce in my fridge. Dont judge me
in a last ditch attempt to make life awkward after i die today i want to be buried naked and have an open casket funeral.
Saw a girl outside my apartment shotgun a bud light, then a red bull, get in her Tahoe, and drive 4 people away. Gotta love thirsty Thursday.
It's like everything I need in life within a five block radius: booze, toilets, dogs, dicks.
He told me he sees me like a sister then 10 mins later tried to make out with me.
I just realized. I havent even gotten a paycheck from this new job yet and already laid one of the girls most of the dudes are after
just because i'm not a monk anymore doesn't mean I need to tell you about my new sex life.
which is fantastic by the way.
Randomize
