I just got a ticket for shitting on a sand dune.
don't worry. When rigor sets in, we'll make sure to get you laid one last time.
what happens if a cat eats a birth control pill? i mean i don't care about the cat i really just don't want to get pregnant
Oh, don't even get me started. Harry Potter is so pure. Twilight is just teenage girl porn.
he bit the head off a dead goose for 5 beers. this is my future boyfriend.
they were having a wine tasting so i tasted every wine...then knocked over an entire display of gourmet olives and was asked to leave... but they still let me buy my 6 bottles of wine before escorting me out
Is there any chance I can see you without pouring vodka on your head?
I only wish the guy being lead around by his cock at the drag show was the weirdest part of my night.
My vibrator challenges you to a duel.
I was pissed last night bc this girl didn't want to have sex but offered to reimburse me for the condoms. That just made me upset
So if a 2 is a 10 on the road... do we consider college to be "on the road?" help. its urgent.
My one night stand said I love you, opened my fridge, stole my cream cheese and left.
In Punta Cana for my bachelor trip, hopefully tomorrow my passport is blacklisted
Our sex sesh was interrupted by a bunch of hobos fighting outside his apartment.
My brain is like a TV with 10 channels, 9 of them are static and the other one just plays that one Nagito Komaeda edit on loop 24/7
Randomize
