So I'm playing pool in my cowboy boots and some guy came up looks at my boots and goes, "you should've got the boots with the fur"
Whatever is fine with me, as long as I am dressed in green and end up shitfaced.
Even though I wasn't drunk last night, I peed in the sink just so I could keep my record going
he even offered to make my bed in the morning.
That poor kid, I literally invited myself over and took advantage of him.
yea I'm sure he was really upset some drunk girl showed up to fuck him.
Do you have to put it that way?
I have located the smell of the stripper and narrowed it down to 3 girls in class
she showed up with nothing but olive garden breadsticks in her purse.
Thats the worst face I've ever seen you make an I've seen you throw up in your own hair.
Depending upon how the Sox game progresses, I'll either cry on the bar or fuck someone tonight...
Don't you dare blame me for walking in one walking in on ur fuck session....u decided to fuck where we hid our booze
My life is like a drunken tornado. All over the place and never passing up fat girls
Every time you talk about your facial hair I immedately get horny
So what's the protocol on sending your exes new wife a baby shower gift that says "thanks for getting him the hell out of my life, please keep him there!"?
Questions: How did Rachel get home? Why did I find both her ID's in my shoes? And does anyone know if she's alive?
Hahah I’ve never had someone stop me mid-coitus to tell me how amazing I am. Def ego boost.
Randomize
