I just woke up to a lawnchair covered in lipstick. I'm wearing red lipstick. What happened and is the tequila?
i forgot what you looked like. so we left to get pizza. sorry
a creepy fucking ass man came up and started raven cawwing in my ear... he said it was the raven mating call. i am officially freaked out
words cant express how excited I am to make January 1st our own personal version of The Hangover
And we started making out. She asked me to pick a number between 1 and 10. I said 6. She took me to her room. A few minutes later I wasnt a virgin. DUDE I WAS GOING TO SAY 2.
I woke up with a Nike swoosh shaved into my chest hair. my friend got 3 stitches. my phone had a text that simply read "fuck you". I say it was a good party.
all a guy has to do is give me sprinkles and cookies and they can get me in bed
I've spent more money on drugs for bonnaroo than my actual ticket. Proudly.
Sign out of Gchat. Right now my gchat list is entirely girls I've slept with.. and you. You are fucking up my gchat chi.
just found out i can blow out the flame on the grill lighter fill my mouth with butane and ignite a fireball
Omg having my Grindr go off at the planned parenthood is just not okay
But seriously. What possible excuse could I come up with to ditch my parents on Christmas to go fuck him?
i just need to find someone who enjoys eating frozen waffles as much as I do. It will be perfect.
I fell out of the car while it was moving then got puked on then puked and cried about then got back in the car and puked out the window when we started moving again
I almost got decked by a guy who looked like Mr. Clean. How was your night?
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