I wishh there was a lost and high section in walmart cause I would be there right now
I dreamt I won the Huge Cock Championship last night. It was glorious.
OK, the bar's closing. Do I go to home to my wife or my girlfriend?
My nipple rings set off the metal detector at the courthouse this morning.
Also, I am ligit concerned that I might compulsively start collecting vibrators like Pokemon.
Our Icelandic basketball player brought cocaine and rachael is screaming that he should do lines off her stomach. It's that kind of party
I was having trouble getting it up so she grabbed it and said "no, it's too big to fail"
We are planning a drunk snapchat treasure hunt for tomorrow, and the treasure is his penis, this is a game I'm not willing to loose.
so it turns out the huge bruises on my knees are from drunk bmxing and not getting railed from behind on the ground
and ill have you know that I only wiped out twice
I'm ready to get married, then we can lie around watching anime and eating pizza while he rubs baby oil on me
Did you know they have a bouncer at Applebee's because I did not
How's everyone else's ass tattoo today?
How did you end up breaking into that laundromat at 3am? I saw the snapchat but like..... How?
My purse is full of condoms and money.
I like where this is going...
I'm about to go get lunchables and alcohol. Take that adulthood
Randomize
