maybe i would like her more if 99% of her sentences didn't start with "yesterday when i was reading twilight..."
I have a fruit stripe tattoo on my penis. You're the only person I know who chews that gum.
I wish scraping a resin bowl could be considered cleaning.
dude this girl next to me farted in the middle of a quiz and denied my high five
bitch
He's been dancing to the same Rob Thomas album in his room for almost 8 hours now. Please never, ever bring extacy over here again.
Upperdeckered the toilet. Took sombrero off, drawing too much heat. Witnessed glassing. In bush, come findme.
Let's just go topless and paint glitter over our nipples who the fuck cares
I tried exercising today. I ended up masturbating to the Wii fit trainer.
I am going to be fat forever.
You guys can't keep having sex with them and cleaning their house! They're never going to take you seriously!
You know it's bad when I can already feel tomorrow's hangover before even drinking today.
Can I borrow you for, like, thirty minutes so you can lay on one boob and rub the other until I fall asleep?
Are you wearing clothes?
Fuck no, who do you think I am
Drunk is a universal language darling
I have to have boobs, you have the charm and wholesomeness that gets boyfriends... And i have boobs
Bahahaha I just turned on the fan in front of the elliptical to avoid puking//try to get some baywatch hair going and the guy next to me thanked me because he was "getting nauseas from the smell of stale sweat and tequila"
Randomize
