my elementary bus driver served me drinks last night. He hooked me up
Reason #82 that I need to get laid: my pubes are getting split ends.
Circus confirmed... Jello shots before 9 pm are not cocktails for sucess
I know we didn't hook up because i was still wearing my fanny pack in the morning
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
wanna hang out tonight and remember it?
The good news is the bleeding stopped. I think I'm going to sober up before I tell you the bad news though.
I have to fuck proof my bed. It was in the middle of the room this time.
I was getting sick from all the peanut butter I had to lick off
Stop bitching. YOU SHOULD FEEL BLESSED TO HAVE LICKED PEANUT BUTTER OFF OF THESE TOTTERS
She kept calling herself DJ McDonalds and said she wanted to make some Egg McMusic.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
The George Foreman grill is melted. I don't know what other problems could arise.
at one point, i told him to buy you a pumpkin spice latte and uggs because you're a common white girl and that's how he should get you in bed
Eye drops are like seatbelts of being high. Think about it
When you leave ur sleepover boy on ur front porch waiting for a cab bc work
He's ready to settle down, whereas I'm like "More shots please"
whoevers yellow car is in your driveway right now... i plan to steal. just an FYI
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