You know you're true friends when you can talk about what sexual diseases you may or may not have.
her sex was completely horrible but her weed was great. imma ask her out again
i will pay you if you can come get me. he just suggested that we would have a hockey themed wedding.
it was such a weird mix, KFC and penis
Okay well someone asked "IS HE HOMELESS?" about me so I need to try and find somebody.
Just got a picture message from my sister of the two of us wearing cowboy hats and pressing our bare asses together. Do you remember enough to explain?
i wish his balls had a scratch and sniff sticker elsewhere so i would know before i even went down there
I gave him head in my cape. On the kitchen floor. Watching a show about bacon.
I just read "to infinity and beyond" as "to infidelity and beyond" something is seriously wrong with my psyche
It started with a wedding, followed by a drag show, and ended with Trevor getting punched in the face by the bouncer. How was your weekend?
Just had sex in the room next to my parents. Heading back to school ASAP.
My FitBit tracked the calories I burned during sex. Hello 2015!
How exactly does a handjob become fancy?
Blueberry lube, and champagne.
Def don't remember taking those pics I sent you...but it looks like I was in a car? Shit. Looks like my Uber passenger rating just went up exponentially.
just passed a kid drinking a beer at 2pm. clearly it's the last day of break.
Randomize
