clay aiken is like melissa ehteridge without the guitar.
just bought miller high life, hungry man dinners, and a bottle of lube. you win life, you win.
he told me not be awkward when his girlfriend comes tomorrow. and then he made out with me
he said "cool" when i took off my bra and proceeded to stare wideeyed at them the ENTIRE time. it was like sleeping with the kid i showed my boobs to for the first time in 6th grade.
Your dad's facebook is ejaculating midlife crisis all over my minifeed
The first thing they saw when they walked in was all four of our std test's hangin on the fridge....i'd be worried if they didn't think we were sluts
Well someone has to be the Christmas slut at the family dinner. I suppose it's my year to fill those shoes.
Yeah dude, it's amazing. Be careful though, that shit is really really intense. Like it's way more intense than normal shit...
I took two and feel like crushed diamonds spread over glazing marmalade
We're already drunk. 4 hours to go still. And there's a bear advisory. TOP WEEKEND.
The Mole People would help. They are a kind, helpful people, the Mole People are.
Mole people?
Mole people
I offered to give him "road head" while he played GTA 5. I think he will be more optimistic about date night in the future.
How is it that I, the only one that didn't drink last night, was the only one puking out the car window?
LET ME HAVE MY JUDGMENT OF OTHER PEOPLE
If you're doing something that makes your best friend lock you in a bathroom you shouldn't be doing it
Hey how're your balls?
Don't ever let me helicopter again.
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