I'm waiting for seagulls to eat this throw up
Slept with that guy from the bar last night. Only got 2 1/2 hours of sleep. Eyes were so bloodshot this morning that the principal sent me home b/c she thought I had pink eye. God I love teaching elementary school...
i opened her purse and found 4 bottles of vodka tampons and an unopened box of birth control...
Wow, Pearl Harbor and The Notebook are on. Its like the Im going to kill myself marathon.
He spanked me with a plate. I'm not sure where this is going...
it got awkward when the only couple not hooking up was just watching..
You put Smirnoff in your grape juice and called it communion...
I'm going to try to be reasonable tonight and keep my drink count out of double digits
Nope, sorry. Already took my bra off. All down hill from here. My next act will be crying, singing, and eating girl scout cookies in the shower. You can come watch the shit show though.
So I have to send you an email about my weekend, heretofore referred to as The Perfect Weekend. Wherein I have lots of awesome sex with a guy with THE MOST AMAZING BODY.
I look forward to this email. I will respond with, Condoms and Creepers: The Adventures of Online Dating.
You gave him that scrunchie you made and called it your "sex offering".
I just borrowed porn from my middle aged mother. This is what desperate looks like.
I'm a shining star this evening. Dancing with a cane in rite aid now. I should be kept under survaillance.
I fell out of my bed whilst trying not to move this morning. I AM ADULT
I had ice cream for breakfast two days in a row.
SUPER ADULTS
Oral sex and brunch. The perfect sunday morning.
Randomize
