So tired and we had a cokehead in the salon today making us bleach her whole head because she thought it would let her pass her drug test for custody of her kid
Oh.My.God.
Gonna get hammered and start online dating men in prison. But... only the ones who get out within two years.
Girl's gotta have her standards.
Dude I just figured out the mystery flavor of airhead is vodka sprite, no way i'm wrong
im trying to catch a child molester. call you later.
She's the only person who can pull off turning an outdoor patio heater tower into a stripper pole.
She can drink whiskey without a chaser and has a fridge full of whipped cream. Girlfriend potential
He's drinking 50/50 vodka/water out of a camelback. Disaster would be a compliment at this point.
I mean I don't object to weird looking penis as long as it gets the job done. I just need to get it in. I'm gonna be humping chairs soon.
U offered to motor boat her and it somehow turned into u two going on a sunset cruise in Newport. At 3am.
Hey man, I found your crocs and your visor in the road. Got em for you.
Because you stood over the Ice luge screaming STONE COLD and poured beer on everyone
The lady at Walgreens was all excited my pregnancy tests had a coupon.
There's a certain feeling that only comes from wearing pearls to hide hickeys
His acid is intense dude. I was just over at his place laughing about the hole in the wall I was convinced was a cat
I'm fine. Heading home now...crying. Michael Bolton totally understands me!
Randomize
