My vag wants to play a game of hungry hungry hippos with your cock.
Nothing makes my dick softer than hot girls in rain boots.
you know u lost to a carboard cut out of sammy sosa in beer pong last night.
Apparently I was the fucked up drunk guy greeting people at the hotel in the lobby last night.
He looks like he got hit by a weed-eater with chlamydia
Nothing screams fatass like a pizza that doesn't fit in your car
I've honestly never felt so much emotion towards a wall
One good thing about being really drunk when you go out to dinner is that the leftovers are a surprise. These quesadillas had shrimp in them! Who knew?
When the nurse referred to my vag as "your downstairs", I knew I found the perfect Doctors office.
He also reminds me slightly of a pirate which i find strangely attractive
I think she tried to suffocate me with her tits...she almost succeeded.
are you fucking roseanne barr in there?
I just used my sisters cheerleading plaque and a children's book to crush up painkillers to snort. Happy Friday
condom fairy costume came in handy...we were making out in my living room and he wanted it so i took a condom off the costume and we did it right there...with my tutu still on....
Listen, she cheated on him first. I've known both of them since we were 12. They have no secrets from me. And yes, as a matter of fact, I absolutely did enjoy screaming out his name into his, soon to be, ex wife's pillow.
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