Skinny jeans should not be made in size 14. Then, it's just a lie.
The girl next to me in class is taking notes on woman's suffrage with a girls gone wild pen.
left comments onEVRY SINGLE1of my posts n status updates.Im done dating freshmen
Professor used "ROFL" while grading my paper... Do I even go to a real college?
sorry for making everyone realize you look like bruce jenner
Apparently the last thing they remember of me was me stumbing into a bathroom, then falling out 5 minutes later clutching a butter knife repeating "ketamine goes in my face hole"
Knowing that he goes to voodoo every Thursday really makes me want to get myself checked.
This vodka tastes like I'm not going to class tomorrow.
Just woke up to find that I'd left a stove burner on for the past 6 hours or so. I'm now banned from Ambien cooking.
YOU HAVE BEEN BAD TOUCHED BY THE LEPRECHAUN OF CHOICES
I threw your vagina at him like a grenade. And sweet Jesus he caught it like a champ
It's days like today that make me happy I'm not a porn star.
Just woke up to Siri reminding me that i need to kill the giant orange spider in my room, because it's sorcery and witchcraft is sacrilegious. Did you give me LSD again!?!??!
She slapped a big dramatic bandage on my arm and people started buying me drinks...I plan on wearing a full body cast tomorrow night.
I just thought you should know... Instead of a glass of wine before bed I am having a few shots of 1800. This is what being a night shift nurse will do to you... Standing in your kitchen in your undies doing shots
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