I thought she was mad at me, but then we did a pose off and I realized we're friends for life
You guys need to stop introducing me as "the girl you shared"
we couldnt tell if he was gay so we started working glee quotes into the conversation to see if he noticed.
I wish there was a classy way to show off your boobs.
I walked into his room and he was naked with a half eaten pecan pie and a bottle of wine.
Tell him I'm the girl who was excited he spoke English. Then ask him where he picked me up from.
I would have screamed and cried and bled and shit and then died. Fuck that guy.
She's like an enigma, wrapped in a riddle, tossed in miller light, inside a question. Nobody can explain a Heather.
it is my last wish that my tale be published posthumously as a warning to anyone thinking of eating burger king at nine am
I'm gone to the point of literally hugging trees, partially for support, but also because I like them.
There's nothing more rewarding than telling you that I fucked your dad
All I want is a hot dog on a Saturday at 2:19 is that to much to ask?!
Did he at least walk u home
He offered. I dont like that shit. I want his dick not his presence on my walk home
I'm a shining star this evening. Dancing with a cane in rite aid now. I should be kept under survaillance.
Bold words for someone NOT on a unicycle
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