Is that you in the white hat?
Fine suit yourself
She's sitting on the couch buck naked, eating a cupcake for dinner. I'm breaking new ground as a parent here.
His mom told be she once got turned down for playboy. 1 biggest mistake Hugh made. 2 is she hitting on me?
I should have some sort of frequent buyer card or something. I just bought my third bottle of Captain this week. It's Wednesday.
The dog threw up again, this time IN the toilet. I've taught him well.
I just took a shower and found half a cookie melted under my boob. Please tell me there's a reason
I feel like I grabbed someones dick last night, & if I didn't I'll be disappointed in myself
Well we did eat French fries lady-and-the-tramp style last night...
He started saying the pledge of allegiance so his boner would go down. Merica.
I wanted to buy shoes but nothing fit. So i'm getting a vibrator.
I just announced to Denny's that I'm not wearing a bra.
Maybe it’s too soon to casually tell the boss that I went to Tulsa for some dick last night
I will consider today a failure if my nipple isn't bitten at least 😂
Oh is THAT how we're gonna play mini golf
I promise your sink was clogged before I threw up in it.
Im so fucked up I'm drinking baileys and coffee just to stay awake.
It's 6 in the afternoon?
Randomize
