I'm not conventionally pretty...I'm just crazy
the best days in LIFE are when you realize you arent pregnant
We just licked a sour creme and onion chip for salt for a tequila shot. Our vacation has officially begun.
no. you're not making a beach trip out of my abortion.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
knew it was a bad idea. the look she gave me when i left her roommates bedroom in the morning really illustrated that.
He tried to finger me at Disneyland! He tried to taint the happiest place on earth!
So somebody asked her is she's okay.She turned around,started running and screamed "Ballet is running through my veins" before doing a small pirouette.It's amazing how she managed not to fall.
Seriously, I want to give you a plaque thanking you for your dedicated service to my vagina.
Malibu has added tequila to its rum. It's like when two beautiful gaybies come together an spawn a unicorn that only cries jellybean tears.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Jesus these cramps...it's like every potential fetus I swallowed last night is personally punching me in the uterus
Dude, im sorry I had sex with that girl I was trying to hook you up with last night. Good news though she puts out
hell hath no fury like a questionably-gay best friend scorned
One three hour marathon fuck session and now she's divorcing her husband. Should I get business cards made?
I just put my eye make up on in the bathroom of the bar.... I may be too comfortable here....
breakfast this morning: omelette, Valium and baileys hot chocolate
Now that sounds like the breakfast of champions
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