Her vagina felt like a horse was eating an apple out of my hand..
is there an easy way to say "i didnt plan on sleeping with you until i saw how drunk you were" ?
We couldn't find any ping pong balls, so we used a fishing bobber. Could we be more country?
i just heard someone have an orgasm and then throw up through the vent in my room.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
So I'm at planned parenthood and there are 5 people here from Friday's party.
I didn't think her British accent was real until I saw how fucked up her teeth were.
i like how i just referred to his pregnant wife as the "other" melissa and you didn't even judge me.
Just think about how many life skills I lack. Cooking... Driving... Sobriety...
she smells like cat throw up and cupcakes. i'm trying to focus on the cupcakes but it's really. hard.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
GDI YOU HAVE THE GOD OF FUCKING THUNDER'S NUDES AND YOU DIDN'T SHARE
dad is drunk and texting us pictures of bread
All I want for Christmas is my co-worker's speakerphone to be thrown against a brick wall, and the remains burned in a backyard fire while I roast a hot dog over it. Is that so much to ask?
his mom fetish really needs to stop. this is literally the 5th time i've come home from work and there's been some random skank and her kids in the living room.
did one of the kids use their poo like a crayon on the wall this time?
He asked if I could not say his name during sex cause he liked the girl in the apartment above me.
I tried saying sorry but instead I puked down her shirt and tried to clean it up... Now I have a bruise on my forehead. good news, before she left she wrote her number on my stomach with sharpie
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