dear life, i get it, drinking is not a contest
no, i will not be your spotter when you masturbate with a noose around your neck
I was hoping we just happened to wake up naked and I hadn't fucked him.... no such luck.
I dreamt I won the Huge Cock Championship last night. It was glorious.
hypothetically speaking is slutty or smart to buy plan b before we go on spring break so i dont have to get it in mexico
Well he has that kind of carefree attitude that comes from a big penis
Woke up in the front yard with a chalupa and a firecracker in my back pocket. It's what the founding fathers would want
Winner winner, chicken dinner. I am the sole survivor of the orgy without strep. Or maybe I was the carrier?
Wanna hang out? my DILF had to dip out for his sons little league game
I feel like there's no sexy way to pull 12 condoms out of your bra.
My brother and I have had one conversation in the past like 3 weeks and it was about what it would be like as a sentient butt plug
Literally sucked a dick for ten seconds before I said to myself, this tiny ass penis isn't worth it. My night last night
I have a weird question... did you bite my back last night?
I was just in the bathroom and some guy yelled all hail the king... i cant go anywhere without getting recognized anymore.
Yeah, let's go with that. Fuck that weak moment of complete honesty I just had.
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