seriously this is one of those moments where im glad i dont really talk to or know the people i sleep with
Well said.
Sundays have taken on a whole new meaning when I'm not in bed with an excruciating hangover.
remember that response paper i wrote naked, at 745am still drunk with a naked dude in my bed? yeah, totally got an a- on that. and he loved my insight.
I ate the snowman's head. That is not a drug euphemism.
you cant just puke in an arbys and not order food. thatd be rude.
He taped the number 420 over all of his clocks
Found out people don't like it when you get drunk at fundraising auctions and bid in foreign currencies.
I told him if he wanted to lose weight he had to learn self control. Less than ten minutes after that I ate a cookie off the floor...
It'll be a pair of asscheeks that light up when they're summoned.
Well you were hungry, by then you cried and called yourself a basic bitch for eating crackers
There is a stockpile of mangos and vodka in my backyard and I'm at least 90% sure you had something to do with it.
I need to wake up with a beard between my thighs more often, I'm a fucking saint.
the only reason I'm still sleeping with him is to get the university's secure wifi password
Good news my life of crime finally paid off
Before making travel and hotel reservations to meet your "affair" for the first time, consult your menstrual calendar! $633 wasted!
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