you drank a bottle of vodka and then while throwing up in my toilet you kept reminding me our hs reunion was in 2 yrs and it was time to start getting thin again anyway
I thought his dick was headless. then I pulled back the foreskin.
I know everyone screamed lady cop instead of cops. I wanted to apologize to her for our chauvinism
If she's steering anything, it's a religious boat of crazy. Destination: Iceberg.
Given he decided my interview was a date, showed up drunk and insisted on carrying me everywhere, we weren't off to a good start.
I do have a life. It just consists of making scarves and chesse straws now
Attempting to sleep without a bra since i got my nips pierced wish me luck. Also almost sent that to my coworker.
She needs to go. She is like the Yoko Ono of our group.
Caprisun cuts tequila surprisingly well...
There's a kid in the back of the class drinking out of a flask. Like what is going on?
NOW HE'S DRINKING OUT OF A HANDLE. WHO IS THIS KID?
He called me 'pal' while complimenting how well I took his load on my face. I've officially been fuckbuddy-zoned.
I just want you to know you're the worst sister ever.
If this is about me and your ex, it's not my fault she doesn't like men.
I love it when strippers help me get other strippers numbers.
My arm is completely dead, never again will i give you a 20 minute hand job. You better have enjoyed that asshole. I have to text with my left hand now.
If you really hate him do what I do: give him an amazing night of unforgettable sex then dump him. You’ll ruin sex for him because new girls won’t compare
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