Is that you in the white hat?
Fine suit yourself
How come it tastes like onions whenever I go down on her?
hot girl, 5 o clock
do you know how to read a clock?
The look I see on guys faces when they realize my nipples are pierced remind me of when my mom used to come home from the grocery store and surprise me with poptarts.
He has in a pan: ten pieces of bacon, two cloves of garlic, an egg (not scrambled or hard boiled, just an egg) and frozen corn.
Oh and I ate all of your Cinnamon Toast Crunch. Consider it part of your reparation payment for accidental anal insertion. I may continue to collect payments until I am no longer sore.
I literally just got propositioned by a sugar daddy.
OUR DREAMS ARE BEING REALIZED. THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
I wish i could just live off of margaritas and good sex.
The only thing I'm asking santa for is my period.
And vodka?
And vodka.
But once you explained how to fill cupcakes with semen I realize you were harmless and right on my level.
Went to work in the same clothes from last night, completely covered in glitter...I didn't choose the hag life, the hag life chose me
She still didn't believe that he would cheat on her so I finally said "how else would I know that his batman mask is still in the back of his car from halloween?" I think she accepted it
I was sitting here smiling wondering why i'm so fucking happy at work. cookie has kicked in
Dude they are making elephants out of dollar bills. I'm way too high for this
I plan on getting so intoxicated, that I think it's MY own birthday
Can I play this game?
Randomize
