I'm trashed wearing your mom's snuggie. She says hello.
I just realized that this morning is the first morning i've put on underwear in a week.
I love summer.
i feel like im playing gay clue. i have to figure out where i am, who took me home, and what he put in me
the amount of times i have wished for a boxed wine emoticon is almost alarming. almosttt
A three fingered guy just showed up with fireworks and bourbon, tonight will be entertaining.
dude, i turned on the light and asked if they were ok and they STILL didn't stop. Most determined sex EVER.
Nothing is more important than the last pool party of the season. Call in sick or gay or something.
HOW IS IT EARTHLY POSSIBLE TO DO THAT MUCH DAMAGE WITH JUST MY THUMBS?? HOW???
I picked a bad day to wear the catch me fuck me shoes.
Did someone catch you and fuck you?
A girl just asked me if we had pregnancy tests and a coworker had to stop me from telling her I was a pregnancy test. THAT is why I don't drink at work.
He said his name was Tony, after last night I will refer to him as Tiny
Oh and it took quite a bit of doing, but I managed to wipe my butt with the hat you left in my car
Okay penises are actually pretty exciting. The people attached to them are an entirely different story
Why does my nose taste spicy?
How do you know what your nose tastes like?
What the hell was that?
Genius. It was sheer genius.
Randomize
