birth control and beer are two of the most beautiful creations ever invented.
i have a picture in my phone of you with a bottle of tequila in your back pocket. i believe you were saying "pocket of champions" or something along those lines
Alright I don't know how you'll link it to me but yes I left a nearly empty 12 pack on your trunk
She just called to say she can support a full bottle of vodka between "the girls" now. I'm going over, don't try and stop me.
I mean Grimace is basically just a big piece of purple shit and he is loved way more than the hamburglar just to put it into perspective
How do we turn this unicorn pinata into a bong?
After the 3rd shot, she was running around singing, "Twinkle Twinkle Big Ol' Dick, on your happy place I'll sit" to your brother.
Put that bitch's torch out. She's been voted off.
He sent me a 7 minute voicemail of him playing wonderwall on the acoustic guitar I'm not even kidding did he seriously think that would work
It got heated then she just left and I was all alone in the women's restroom.
We are going to the humane society and getting you microchipped so you don't get lost on your birthday. Either that or your getting a child leash
I think my penis runs off weed. I haven't smoked it 3 days and I have no sex drive what so ever
I sent him a tit pic on accident and he replied with "nice ass"
Come help me clean and have sexual intercourse with me
Bring breadsticks
You could totally spank that new found Catholicism out of him.
At least they took the pillow of my bed before they had sex. My friends are so polite.
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