I might come over and watch a movie but I can't spend the night. my parents would wonder where i was
you're 26.
why didn't you say something constructive like "stop chugging that vodka"?
We walked in and they were fucking to Somewhere Over the Rainbow... I need a new roommate.
he/she has shaved legs and makeup on. but a spare tire stomach, high socks with high heels...a wig and glasses. and still talked like a man. it was a nightmare scenario
you kept saying "no santa, im not having sex with you. it's not your holiday".
we just plugged the camera up to the big screen. would you like to come see what you did last night, in high definition?
someone just laughed at me while i'm laying on the floor waiting for the bus. like they've never been hungover.
You're going to the beach with me so we can have beach sex whether you like it or not. Get over it. Kthx.
Like I couldn't describe it to you but if they did a lineup of penises i'd be able to pick it out.
I just want to have weird supply closet sex with him... and then I'll be all set. Fired, but all set.
He paid the bartender with money from the tip jar then proceeded to hit on me in front of my date. I love frat dances
You know it's been a successful day when the only reason you put on a bra was to take off your shirt
Jacked up my neck and shoulder hanging on for dear life while I rode him like a boss. Plus my house smells like broccoli, bad! How's YOUR morning?
It's the best! If I had one wish it would be for life to be one really long gay porno. Thats what I wish for during every 11:11.
Dude, they hit that lizard part of my brain that tells me to fuck people.
Preach sister.
Randomize
