I sk at the spereo and my dad gave me and all access pass
what???
AN ALL ACCESS PASSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSS
your drunk exhusband is tryin to get with my drunk exgirlfriend. i think its funny. if you still talk to him dont say anything.
we're not divorced.
when she started arguing that Girl Talk was in fact a DJ, i knew i could never sleep with her
I knew the sex would be bad when he slipped the rubber on and said "safe sex activated"
He passed out mid-signature
They were like stripper heels, except business stripper heels, the kind strippers would wear to court.
You are beautiful! I got thrown out of a bar tonight for throwing my shoe. It was at my sister, I don't know why they were mad. I know her.
Well its kinda hard to gift wrap an orgasm
Dick in a box?
I'm watching intervention which is getting me psyched for your birthday. Is that wrong?
I saw him and didn't have sex with him. Responsibility five!
But for real though. That weed tastes like the jolly laughter of Santa Claus.
Who loses their virginity to fucking Flo Rida
I'm sorry I crashed your motorcycle and watched you get robbed from a rooftop. Will you please come back or at least drop off my shoes?
I was taking a nap and she comes in wo/ pants, gets up on the bed and mounts my face while watching Weeds on Netflix. I'm okay with it, but at least let me wake up first.
I'd kiss your neck and collarbone and then run my tongue up your neck to just behind your ear
And then lightly kick the curve inside your ear
Randomize
