Hey it's Austin.
I am not drunk enough for this conversation.
found: crazy homeless guy quoting Quagmire lines to every chick he sees. i think i win the scavenger hunt.
Just met a girl...She is complaining why on facebook you can't have more then one "open relationship"
I dont know how i feel about her from a moral standpoint...
I wish alcohol would automatically work as birth control if you have sex drunk.
successfully started a charcoal grill with 2 shots of everclear and some aluminum foil. i never wanna leave here
pouring popcorn down my shirt before we went to the bar was the best idea ever. it was delicious and convenient.
just an fyi, false alarm on the whole ghonnorea thing. you're safe.
The moment you ate chicken nuggets out of your purse you were my hero.
Where the hell did i get chicken nuggets from
Bailey. He has a soul patch. Idgaf if he was an NFL player. Nobody with a soul patch is attractive.
I rolled over and my thoughts became words and I said "oh fuck not you again" he didn't think that was too kind and asked me to leave
Youre having a picnic
Yeah but all we have is vodka, so it's getting a bit out of hand.
I just got the most majestic image of a potato sack full of dildos getting whipped at your head in slow motion.
I just used an Amazon gift card from a student to order a new vibrator....teacher of the year
Im blaming it on six shots of Jack, loneliness and a chemical imbalance. That's the best I can think of...
I'm going to ride your dick until it falls off. That horny.
I'm equal parts terrified and turned on. Come over.
Randomize
