WTF YOU HAVE A GIRLFRIEND?
Oh yeah that.
if you do not get any action from him tonight, I am personally walking my drunk ass over there grabbing his tongue and sticking it in your mouth. this is getting ridiculous
you left a note on your car that said " please dont tow, im to drunk to drive. safety first!"
All I remember was yelling at him, "Its becasue of people like you that it took us so long to get to the moon!"
Dude I think I vomited on the wireless internet box too...it isnt working.
Its kinda awkward hearing him say the food taste like ass considering what he did last night.
we were having sex and the sweat made her make up run... seriously laid there and watched her face just melt into ugly.
I trust that you have thought of something completely illegal for us to do this weekend.
Hey, I can't find my bed frame. Do you know who took it?
is it weird that I didn't think he was hot last night when I was making out with him but right now I'm Facebook stalking him and think he's really attractive??
your beer goggles are on backwards.
This is why Helen Keller didn't drink
Vaguely remember? You pushed George and two other fellas out the way to hug me, screamed gandalf before chugging your beer and smashing the bottle on the floor. I lolled.
The guy who just got ate on True Blood had the same balls as you.
I woke up with a hangover and a man bun. Reached over to drink water and accidentally chugged raspberry vodka. So there's that.
What are you doing tomorrow?
Dude its my bday. Im drinking from sunup til face down. Rinse and repeat.
Randomize
