1:12am: That's just how i roll, and this dress she is wearing is dirty and needs to get pulled over her head.
Pre-pickelized cucumber-hand invasion!! RUN!!!!!!!!!!
he invited me to an all week drinking party at his house. apparently he knows the key to my heart is booze shaped.
She took a break from repeating "my face is still buzzing!" to say that the phantom of the opera could be here
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Just to save you guys the surprise, somebody shit outside of our door.
Not sure why, but I was running back and forth across the road. Cab hit me and gave us a free ride home.
Marking my student's "don't do drugs" posters while simultaneously texting my dealer, is this what being a grown up is like?
You asked me to text you at 11 and remind you that he's 33. It's 11:20. He's 33.
you're too late. he has eggnog and whiskey and all seven seasons of buffy. I shan't be coming home tonight
Did I really drink that whole bottle of Jack Daniels last night?
Heroically.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Uh, he still talks to you after you basically sexually harassed him using emojis?
Sigh. I'll find the right guy one day.
Prince charming is right around the corner and will be freaky as shit!
I need ecstasy. And, before you ask, the answer is yes right now
If I ever write a memoir I'm thinking "Choosing to sit in a vat of shit" would fit
I got off F O U R times, just because he wanted to hear me moan. He is my hero.
She then told me, and I quote "I want to send you nudes just to see how you'd react."
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