i thought i was pinching her nipple. It was her mole
there hasn't been a girl guy ratio this good since a guy jumped on one of the Titanic life rafts
Ran into that hot funeral director in the bar two days after the wake. pretty sure we drunk made out.
Grandpa would have been proud
He's a waiter, looks 15, and told me he loved me after only talking to me for 30 minutes. I told him I wanted a margarita. We got 3 free pitchers. I may have to make this our regular Wednesday night hangout.
I miss the smell of you or some shit.
I just learned a new drink. Sloppy Ninja. Half Saki Half Nyquil
Best surprise in my car. A cookie, sliced kiwi and the rest of my margarita. Work is going to be awesome.
Please do us both a favor and come rip my clothes off.
I mean with a sentence like that I knew I would be cumming
I got "plug" during family Catch Phrase and struggled to not make a reference to butt plug so I skipped it
At some point the phrase "I've hit rock bottom" stopped having a meaning and became my general state of life
I like being woken up by phone calls of you sabotaging marriages
I don't want to sleep with any other woman but you but I want to try this whole mother daughter thing that would be nuts
Stop thinking about me and go on your date... at least I got the glitter off your face first.
so let me get this straight you just stared at his boner all night?
Randomize
