Do you think if I drink bleach they will let me leave work?
My birth control alarm just woke me up from my dream where I was pregnant. Thank god.
My mother just asked me if i ever swallow the goods...should i be concerned?
He thought he was drowning because he was drinking water and intentionally holding his breath. Dear god what did you get me in to.
Oh and now he's calling me Brohammed Ali.
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the last call horn was blaring when I tried peeling you off the bathroom floor than you uttered "Ill take the toothless one.'
my spring break was before theirs and i literally fed him vodka all week, only stopping for class and bowls. like handles. i cant even think anymore, that chastity belt was hard to get off,
No but I was fuckin done when I realized my acrylic nail caught fire when I was hitting the bong.
Fuck off I wasn't that drunk. I was still able to toss froot loops in the air and catch them in my mouth.
And in your bra. It was quite entertaining.
We're fucking and Lee Greenwood God Bless the USA comes on and he came. It was the most Roll Tide America moment of my life.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
do you ever just look around and think about how great it is to have depth perception? Like it's really, really cool when u think about it
at first i said "no rollerblading if I'm going to be drunk," but we all know how that went
I've got to stop being so hungover that I puke in the fine establishments of this glorious town.
We almost got stabbed in the nuts last night. Don't worry, we're alright.
So who left their underwear on a lamppost in my aunt's backyard
THAT HOSPITAL MADE ME REALIZE THAT I'M BISEXUAL
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